The Anatomy of Disaster

The anatomy of love and pain

The older I get, the more I come to realize that love is nothing like what people want you to believe, and even the perfect relationships on the outside are far from perfect on the inside.

I have seen multiple relationships build and crumble at such a pace, you’d think they were running the 100 meter. I have always believed that on some level, you will not have the same person in your life for a long time. And maybe that’s how it is supposed to be. Maybe you’re meant to grow and love, despise and hate throughout your life until you’ve nothing left and settle for what’s around the block.

However, I am not like that. I believe that you can have one lasting love. Seeing friends and loved ones torn apart by “love” is almost as painful as having it happen to you. What I believe is that previous generations did not settle, but understood that relationships, much like growth, take work. Without a conscious attempt and compromise along with a dedication to build a life together, you have what is common place today: numerous failed relationships. I know, spooky right?

I won’t delve into how women no longer submit to men or vice versa or how the main roles of the genders have been greatly altered. That would be a complete waste of time.

Much as I would like, I try to explain this to people without success. Thanks to fairy tales and Hollywood, we’ve been set up and doomed to fail. Considering most fairy tales were not American, they’ve been dumbed down and provide a gentler side of the story. Because our society has continually tried to protect by lying or sheltering, it’s no wonder people have an altered vision of reality. Imagine the look of horror on your child’s face after reading the actual version of Sleeping Beauty. Try to explain why the evil witch put a curse on the gorgeous heroine and would later cannibalize her children. Doubtful it would go down well.

As is done for years of your youth, you blame your parents for ruining your life. Maybe you were actually right, but the fault cannot simply lay on them alone. They were ruined by their parents, and theirs, and on and on until you reach the pinnacle of the problem. I suppose they protect you now and hide certain facts because you may not understand them, but who are they to decide when it’s appropriate to be honest with you. In a society that needs growth and intelligence more than ever, I find this extremely frustrating. When do you draw the line between protecting a child and flat out lying.

In this year, 2012, divorce rates are constant, coming from divorced parents I know what this does to you. You hope to not repeat the mistakes your parents made. In some cases, like my parents, there simply was no alternative. It was a failed relationship that needed to end for the physical wellbeing and mental health of my mother, myself and my brother.

People marry for all the wrong reasons. My boyfriend being a prime example. Lately there have been discussions about him marrying his hag to receive the benefits of health insurance and better tax breaks. In a state like this though, where gay marriage is legal, it’s a slap in the face. Not phased at all by me being in the picture, which I have been for 2 1/2 years now, I’m assured that it would be an on paper only marriage. I smell a disaster in the making. And what happens if we decided to marry? He’d simply get divorced? Am I the only one a little creeped out by this?

I wonder if maybe I need to change my perspective to fit into this society. Clearly I’m unable to reason with anyone as to why a relationship doesn’t end because you don’t like the way they mow the yard at a diagonal or they don’t like how you hum to yourself in the car, but I can’t help but be frustrated to be a part of the gay social circle when the lack of dignity and self-respect is tied together with being happy only when you’re barhopping and going home with different people every night.

Maybe love really is for the ignorant and confused, or in some cases, the extremely fortunate. It sure isn’t for me since all I seem to find are people willing to run the minute it gets a little difficult. Maybe I’m to old school for my age and my own good.

Ugh, now I need a drink.